Since leaving my position three months ago at The River Church Community to devote full time to The Healing Path Ministries I have found myself, and I am embarrassed to say, coveting other people’s treasures that symbolize to me financial comfort. A good definition of coveting that defines what I’m talking about is “to desire that which is rightfully another’s.” It might be their home, car, well paying job, whatever, yet it is revealing to me some deep insecurities and vulnerabilities about money.
The shift wasn’t subtle. It rose within me days after leaving staff knowing my career; future and ministry depended solely on God’s provision. I know, I know, why didn’t that exist when I was working for the church for sixteen years? Honestly, I just got comfortable knowing the check would be deposited every two weeks.
Noticing anxious thoughts beginning to pop up in my head I decided to “kick it in gear” and start some groups to make money. But, God desired to deepen His partnership with me and led me to read the gospel of John. He made it quite clear there was, “no need to prove to yourself and others that you are worthy.” I begged him to let me do something and He made it clear not to do anything but “remain in Him.” Isn’t that typical of us men? Just give me something to do. Let me prove my worth.
Hopefully, you didn’t miss it wasn’t just money but also fear of not producing in a way that I thought would keep my supporters pleased. ARGH! Oh, foolish David, who has bewitched you?
In reading the gospel of John I saw Jesus live His life in prophetic exchange with the Father. Jesus was modeling for me what it looks like to depend and to remain in Him. Jesus, ongoing dialogue with the Father brought him wisdom and understanding on what he was to do, when, who with and where he was to go.
What am I learning? Radical trust. Not easy because anxious thoughts want to crowd out the voice of the Father and the Son. But isn’t this the battle we all have in believing that God is faithful and trustworthy? This battle for our heart and what it treasures, it serves and looks to for life and comfort.
Thank you for always sharing your heart and your struggles. It’s one of the many reasons why so many of us are so drawn to you. You always keep things real. Bryan and I love supporting you because of your heart and gift of healing people. No need to prove anything to us. It’s our privilege to walk along aside you and to see God at work through you. Are you free for dinner Sunday 7/23 or Friday 7/28?
Thank you for sharing, David. My heart has wrestled with the same things! I appreciate your transparency and as I venture out in my journey of a Crossroads DTS in Kona, I am looking forward to seeing God’s hand of provision in my life, as well! He is a good, good Father!