Several years ago, I was getting ready for a wedding that I was a part of as a groomsmen. I wanted to take some pictures so I started looking for my camera. Suddenly I recall that it had been stolen a few months previous at another wedding. So I called my sister and asked if I could borrow hers. Yes of course stop by on your way to the wedding.
As I pull up in front of her house I see her standing on the porch with an older man who I can’t quite identify. As I get out of my car and walk towards them I realize it is my stepfather. I haven’t seen him in close to ten years and age plus two heart attacks has shrunk the once muscular, bigger than life man.
I practically run up the steps once I realize it’s him, and give him a huge hug. By the way, it’s the first time we’ve ever hugged. There I am a thirty-five year old man acting like a ten-year-old boy. He mentioned I wasn’t the baby-faced kid he’d remembered. Then he asked what I was doing for a living? I told him I was a pastor. His retort, “Are you making any money?” I told him not much but I loved my job. I grabbed the camera and told him it was great to see him.
As I got into the car I could feel this disappointment rise within me. I’d hoped he would have told me he was happy to see me. That he was proud of me for what I had chosen to do with my life. Yes I was glad to see him but deep down I wanted him to bless me. Still! The man who left me fractured through his physical, emotional and verbal abuse was still a person of hope for me. Was my longing for that blessing so deep I just didn’t know how profound it was?
I’m not sure any of us grasp the strong influence a father has over his children. This so explains my endless search for my father’s love and blessing through broken, manipulative, and seductive ways.
As I drove to the wedding and cried most of the way I heard the Father tell me that I was to look to Him for the blessing my stepfather failed to give to me. I realized by the Spirit that my stepfather could not give me what he himself had never received.
I had to transfer that hope I had placed on him and place it on God the Father. My Father who isn’t so concerned about how much money I make.